Choosing an Assistant

I think a popular question on social media is “How Should I Choose an Assistant?” Firstly, it doesn’t always seem to be easy to find us. Slixa does have a page for personal assistants but some of the ads listed are no longer active. Safeoffice has a list of personal assistants but again, some are no longer active, and you have to be a paying member to access this resource list. We are floating around on social media and often times, it seems word of mouth is the most common avenue.

Once you have a list of potential candidates, here are some things I think are important to consider: their industry experience, how they accept payment, where they are located, when they work, and how many clients they have or are willing to accept. Having an assistant with industry experience is the most ideal. If the assistant was previously an escort, they should know the nuts and bolts of things. They should be able to screen effectively and efficiently. They know the inner workings of certain platforms and ad sites. Most importantly, they probably have a nose for sniffing out bullshit.

As for payment, I believe the only ethical way is to have a flat fee. Some assistants charge a percentage per booking but this is problematic in a few ways. 1.) If someone has a slow month or doesn’t want to take many bookings, this may lower the wage of the assistant but not necessarily their workload. 2.) It incentivizes the assistant to book as many clients as possible, potentially even unsavory ones.

It’s important to know when an assistant works. Some have typical office hours, some only work weekdays, some work longer days. Timezones can be a challenge. You don’t necessarily need to choose an assistant in your own city but if you work out of NYC and your assistant in LA, this could cause a backlog of emails due to the time difference.

Lastly, how many clients do they have or are they willing to take on. There is no guarantee what they tell you is the truth but it’s good to at least get a general idea. Some assistants don’t particularly care about the quality of their work and their model is based on the volume of clients they have. Others understand that this is your business and it’s important to approach things with care. This circles back to someone who has worked in the industry, especially recently. I remember what it was like to book my own clients, and my goal is to manage my clients’ bookings with the same level of professionalism.

This isn’t an inclusive list of things to consider but these are probably the most important. Choosing a personal assistant is a big step. They will be an integral part of your business so don’t be afraid to ask questions, have a phone call, etc.

Photos

Photos are probably the most integral part of marketing for an escort. They convey style, brand, and personality. Men are visual creatures and let’s face it, the majority of clients are men. There are a variety of aspects to consider when deciding to either start your career or when it’s time to update your photos. For the sake of simplicity, I will list out a few things to consider and then elaborate a bit more within this blog post. The list includes: professional vs. selfies, industry photographer vs. someone else, styling, and considerations for social media and/or advertisements.

Professional vs selfies- Both types of photos have their place. Selfies definitely gain more traction on social media but professional photos are necessary for advertising platforms and personal websites. Do I think one needs to spend thousands of dollars on professional photos? Not necessarily. Having professional photos lends to an overall polished appearance and a sense of professionalism. There are more affordable industry photographers that deliver a sleek product. However, clients may not engage with professional photos as much because there is an idea that these photos are more staged and edited. This may or may not be the case but despite that, I do think it’s worth it to have a photo refresh at least 1-2 times per year.

Clients often like selfies more because there is an illusion that these photos are candid and intimate. Why not use that to your advantage? You already have a cell phone and it’s cheap and easy to set up a tripod or buy a ring light. Posting selfies also lends to legitimacy in the sense that if you are frequently posting on social media and all the photos generally look similar, then a client can assume you are taking your business seriously.

Industry photographers vs someone else- There are photographers who are well known within the industry like Black Lotus, IL Sensual, Inamorata, Hello Miss, Partition Studios, Amorous Films, and Elizabeth Raab. Each has their own style and may be more expensive than photographers not “in” the industry but part of what you pay for is their discretion. Keep in mind that the laws in the US give the rights to the photographer and technically, unless you have a legally binding agreement, you cannot obtain the rights or stop them from posting the photos elsewhere. If you do not show your face, I highly recommend not using someone you found on Instagram or a local boudoir photographer.

Now, the caveat to using a more well-known industry photographer is the fact that many other ladies use them, and their photos may tend to look more generic over time. This is certainly a consideration which may be partially ameliorated by choosing a unique location or lingerie. There are other lesser known industry photographers that still create great photos and have solid reputations so it could be wise to seek them out.

Styling- One doesn’t necessarily need to feel confined to their brand in terms of styling but keeping a generally consistent look is important. Generally clients are drawn to an escort because of a certain body type and appearance. It’s not overly wise to constantly change hair color or wildly vary your style in a short period of time.

Seeking out more independent lingerie labels can help you stand out as well as staying true to your own style. Maybe you really hate stockings and garters- then don’t wear them! That’s the beauty of sexwork, you are your own boss so you make these calls. I do recommend getting hair and makeup done before a shoot even if you don’t show your face. This lends to getting in the mood and an overall polished look.

Considerations for social media- Keep in mind that certain platforms like Instagram and Twitter don’t allow nudity and often times sheer lingerie, especially something skin colored, will be flagged as such. Often times on Twitter if you don’t show your face, bare buttocks will also be flagged. Any nudity or sheer lingerie in your Twitter header or profile photo is likely to get your account banned. EROS is a constantly moving target in terms of what they will or won’t allow for photos. The safest bet is to not wear anything with logos, no sheer underwear, and try to avoid any photos that have any angle of your crotch. Having high resolution photos vs selfies look much better on these advertising platforms and in some cases, the photos have to be a a certain size/resolution to even be posted. Lastly, keep in mind the orientation of photos. You’ll want a variety of photos with horizontal and vertical orientation. This is to create headers for ads and also on your website.

Deposits or No Deposit

Let me preface my first blog post by mentioning for this topic and future posts, my intention is not to shame anyone for their business practices. I see often when these topics are discussed, there are accusations of classism or elitism. My intention is solely to share my personal experience and my opinion on the matter. You may take that information and do with it what you will.

So without further ado, our first topic, deposits. When I first started as an escort, deposits weren’t really a thing. I did not require deposits with the exception of upfront travel costs for FMTY clients. Over time, once social media for sexworkers bloomed, discussion of deposits began. Eventually I required deposits from all new clients to secure their appointment slot.

While I understand not every business model can support requiring deposits, my personal opinion and experience is that if you can, you should. Deposits serve two purposes- to assist as part of screening and to create a more stable schedule for you. Generally speaking, clients who are not serious will not provide a deposit. Even if you have a business model that seemingly may not support deposits, asking a client for $25-50 deposit will definitely weed out those who are time wasters.

When considering deposits, it’s also important to remember that you run a business. While that business is centered around an experience or fantasy, it’s still a business. Businesses often require deposits or to hold a credit card on file to charge if you no show or last-minute cancel. Why should your business be any different? Just because some don’t see it as real work? No, that’s ridiculous. It is work and it’s your work. You have the freedom, as a business owner, to create your own working environment. By requiring a deposit, you have ensured that you still get paid something even if the client cancels or doesn’t show up. If you have to book a hotel or secure a location to host, your cost is covered. You don’t have to scramble last minute trying to arrange for someone else to fill that slot. Your time is important, just as much as the clients.

There are many ways of accepting deposits without revealing your legal name. But you do have to be careful because not all methods are created equal. Furthermore, there is the risk of chargeback. This is why I say deposits are part of screening. Additional screening will deter clients from doing chargebacks. The majority of chargebacks I hear about are from those who never took the time to screen. If you are a ghost, why would you fear doing something like that?

In conclusion, deposits can be a great tool to help you run your business more smoothly. While there could be pitfalls, the risks can be ameliorated by employing certain tactics like thorough screening otherwise.